this is a baby brand new blog
today doesnt feel brand new though.
it feels stale and harsh. i dont know how to be or how to deal. i just want everything to stop for a moment in time. i am so hurt and so sucked dry of everything in me that is good.
there are so many blessings to count - so many accomplishments to see but i cant fight my way out through my own depression… i dont know what is happening - i am sinking deeper.
i want to fight - but my arms are weak and tired.
God - i love you. i want to get through this- i want to do what i am here to do but —— right now… it all just seems to be a loss for me.
I hope in my immense weakness and saddneded heart Your strength can be seen and I will allow it to carry me through.
I can feel so much pain right now. I miss Joseph, I miss Dylan, I miss my Mom… I just want to be near them - feel their heartbeats close to mine…feel them breatheing —- look into their eyes and recognize them because they are the same I see when I glance in the mirror.
I am breaking down…
